Remembering Tony’s Quotes

I was just remembering just how funny Tony is. Here is a chronological look at his consistently funny one-liners.

“At the party, there were all these little creatures everywhere. Eventually, I realized they were lesbians.” –1990

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Boy, what a recession!” –1991

“You just know there’s a portrait of him rotting away somewhere.” –1992, on some evil co-volunteer at the Center

“He was ravaged by a horrifying disease. Middle age.” –on some celebrity, 1993

“That man has a whole bottle of bleach in his hair.” –Random oneliner, 1994

“He wanted to be Donald Trump when he grew up, but it didn’t work out that way.” –Tony on an errant relative, 1995

“I don’t want to drive it, I want to use it as a clothes hamper.” –Tony on the New VW Beetle, 1998

“Oh, okay. I’m going back to bed.” –After my phone call around 11 am on Tuesday, 11 September 2001

“I have done everything but breast feed that cat!” –Tony on Koshka, 2003

“You used to go there to get a new job. Now, you go for funeral arrangements.” –Tony on SLA 2009

Tony’s blog can be found at Project Alphistia at a browser near you.


  1. My oh my – what a HORRIBLE man! Don’t forget: “Companies used to insist on forced merriment, now it’s just forced…”

  2. Even MORE Tony quotes!

    “I slept in the day I was supposed to get motivated.” –Tony on work in general

    “Let’s apply this tourniquet around your neck.” –about ME?

    “Uh oh, here comes something sarcastic!” –definitely about me

    “He’s a sexual sociopath. Psychopath. Same thing.” –on someone he dated?

    “It’s so slow in Indianapolis that you could put a sleeping dog in the middle of the road and wake it up the next morning!” –on SLA that year.

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